Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
