The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
