a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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