she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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