The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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