wakey wakey hands off snakey
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
