EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
