It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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