haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize