We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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