i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
