friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
