The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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