You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
