Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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