I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
