The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
