Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize