When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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