Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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