dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
