somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
