i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
