she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
