So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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