I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
