yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
