nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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