He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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