winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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