dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
