So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize