lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
