I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
