So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
