One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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