i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
