just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
