420 ftw
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
