When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
