my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
