Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
