Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
