Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
