It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
