I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
