he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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