i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
