so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
