It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
