I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
