I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize