yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
