so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
