apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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