At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
