Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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