things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
