i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You are a genius and a whore.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
