margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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