I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
