He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize