God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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