you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
