Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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