I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
