is your mom at the bar?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
