Non-Jews are for practice
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
