just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
