And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
