you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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