When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
