I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
