I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
