he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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