How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Randomize
