I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
