I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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