Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
