In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Acid is not a monday night drug
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His hands were made for my vagina.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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