Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
