I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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