look no pants
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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