He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
