shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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