I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
