Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
