WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
