there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
